Chapter 01

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This is the story of

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…John

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…and Chahana

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…who meet at a local community college.

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Chahana has come to the States to learn about marketing…

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…so that she can help take her father’s small fabric-making business global.

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John has an athletic scholarship that pays for half of his tuition.During his downtime, he plays soccer with others from the Visiting International Student Association (VISA).

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Chahana, who is also a VISA student from southern India, often goes to see the games.

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She loves John’s “win by all means” attitude and his aggressiveness on the field.

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A mutual friend introduces them after learning of Chahana’s interest in John, and they soon begin dating.

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John also volunteers with a group that teaches inner city children how to play soccer.

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Chahana finds herself even more attracted to him because in her mind this means he is good with children.

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Their casual dating quickly becomes a serious relationship. So it is not surprising to friends when discussions of marriage come up.

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But Chahana is adamant about waiting until closer to graduation, as she is excited about developing her writing and marketing career.

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Her professors tell her constantly that she is a brilliant writer.

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In contrast, John’s student counselor never gains a clear sense of John’s post-collegiate interests or goals…

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…just that he is almost entirely consumed by soccer…and Chahana.

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The counselor urges John to focus on this strength in math, which sounds good enough to him…

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…he is good at following rules, and the logical cause and effect of mathematics appeals to his regimented mind.

Chapter 02

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Much to Chahana’s family’s dismay, John and Chahana stay together…

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…and marry during their senior year.

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Chahana lands a great editorial position with a major trade journal in a big city straight out of college on the strength of her portfolio…

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…it is such a huge opportunity that her parents feignedly support her decision.

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John struggles to find his way¾his 3.0 average does not seem to impress the schools he applies to, so he picks up substitute and temporary positions.

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Although he is thrilled to be married to the girl of his dreams and is proud of Chahana’s accomplishments, John cannot help but envy what he identifies as Chahana’s easy success.

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Worse yet, with John only working part-time, her writing job does not pay well enough to support a good life for two in the city.

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Oh no! No cash left.

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The two argue frequently over bills. Her calls back home alone eat up most of the little discretionary spending the two might have had.

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Then the couple receives a godsend.

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John gets an offer to teach middle school math in the suburbs where …

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…Chahana’s salary can buy a respectable middle class home¾and her boss is amenable to her working remotely.

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In his new position, John will narrowly out-earn Chahana.

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The two are finally comfortable, and all seems to be falling into place.

Chapter 03

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Over time, Chahana begins to feel alienated from her colleagues, her family, her culture, and her home.

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Despite their financial success, Chahana’s parents become more vocal in their disappointment in Chahana’s decision to leave home and marry an american.

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During her phone calls home, seeds are planted that grow into heated arguments between John and Chahana.

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A year later, Chahana becomes pregnant, and with the added stress and frequent morning sickness…

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She decides to resign her post and take up freelancing for the added flexibility.

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Problem: the two are now down to one salary, and they have become accustomed to living on two.

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John quickly identifies an opportunity to exploit his first passion: soccer.

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He jumps into an open middle school coaching position, which commands a small bonus and he argues…

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Helps keep food on the table

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A phrase he increasingly uses to justify any action.

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Besides, he is a good coach. He leads the team to a regional championship in his first fall season.

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The championship is a moment of huge validation for John; his dedication to the team¾and their resulting success¾has made him something of a hero in the athletic department and with the students and their parents. He is finally being recognized, and winning feels good.

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But the championship comes at the expense of time spent at home and supporting Chahana through her pregnancy.

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Instead of facing an expectant parent’s roller coaster of emotions alongside her partner, Chahana finds herself alone.

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When evening soccer games keep John from joining her at Lamaze classes…

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Chahana forces a smile for his stand-in¾her college friend stacey¾and reminds herself how much John loves his job and what a good thing that is for their family.

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During her regular calls back home, her parents think and say otherwise.

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The best thing for a family is a strong leader at home to keep order. Not a strong leader at work.

Chapter 04

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The birth of their first son, Donny, reunites Chahana and John. John is bursting with the pride of new fatherhood…

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…and his first presents for Donny are a tiny soccer ball and a onesie bearing the logo of his favorite soccer team.

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Chahana is thrilled that John has embraced fatherhood. she feels relief that they have gotten through a rough start in their marriage.

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Her parents are thrilled to be grandparents, but of course, crushed that they cannot see their grandchild…

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…phone conversations tend to stress the latter, and they leave Chahana feeling guilty.

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A year passes.

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To Chahana’s dismay, John maintains an equally breakneck pace with developing the middle school soccer program.

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The championship seems to have only made him crave more success.

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Chahana struggles to keep up with the demands of both the household and her infant son.

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John is there for the special moments¾weekend outings to the park and zoo or birthdays.

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But coaching responsibilities often take precedence over providing day-to-day support at home.

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Chahana mentions to John occasionally that she feels overwhelmed and needs some help…

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John answers angrily and defensively.

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“Didn’t you want me to take the teaching job? I’m working hard to keep food on the table! It was your decision to stay at home with Donny, rather than put him in daycare.”

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Instead of arguing with him, Chahana drops the subject each time.

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She did want to be home with her son. She was proud of her husband. They did need the money. She just did not expect it to be so lonely.

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The more John is away from home, the more she longs for things she never expected to miss: editorial meetings, the bustle of Delhi, crazy deadlines, the smell of her father’s bidis, quiet mornings with the newspaper, the frenzied chants and bright colors of Holi, and conversations with adults. She is so far from home, work, and happiness.

Chapter 05

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Over the coming year, John finds other ways to stay busy outside the house.

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He begins tutoring sessions with a handful of his soccer kids who cannot keep their grades up.

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Soon after, he starts working with high school athletes who have been given a “pass or don’t play” ultimatum.

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He rationalizes that the students need him. Otherwise, they would be kicked off the team and flunk out of school.

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John feels he has something to offer, because he knows how to communicate with them. his tutoring makes him very popular among the high school coaches¾despite his reputation for losing his temper when students take too long to “get it.”

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But back at home, John is increasingly troubled that he cannot identify with his own son…

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…a child who seems determined to hate soccer even as a toddler. Donny has little use for the soccer balls John tries to give him, unless it is to color them with purple marker.

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On the handful of occasions John brings the child to practice with him, Donny shows no interest in the scrimmage or the other kids, preferring to twirl in circles and sing to himself.

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“Let me show you how to dribble a ball.”

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“No. Dance!”

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John knows it is silly, but Donny’s disinterest stings him.

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When he is at home, he awkwardly tries to interact with him.

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Reading books is impossible because Donny never lets him finish a story.

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He always tries to break free, to play with his toys.

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The nights usually end with both of them giving up. John slams the book shut in frustration. Donny drifts off to bang on his toy keyboard, while John flips through channels until he finds a soccer match.

Chapter 06

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Using the extra income as an excuse, John becomes head coach of an under-12 soccer team. Weekend matches are always out of town, and being away feels like an escape.

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By Donny’s 3rd birthday, Chahana begins to echo her parent’s complaints about John’s frequent absences.

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She is trying to break back into writing, but has had only sporadic success. The big problem is that she cannot make her deadlines with John gone and Donny all hers to care for.

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The issue leads to an increase in arguments.They soon begin to occur outside of the house, in front of colleagues and friends.

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Month’s later Chahana is thrilled to learn she is pregnant again, despite the tension about John’s absence.

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Her only concern is how it will impact her career, which she has worked so hard to rekindle.

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When she raises the topic with John, he responds awkwardly. He does not know how she can be torn between wanting to be a mother and wanting to be a writer.

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Chahana cannot help but think longingly about her former company. She misses the adrenaline rush of deadlines and the exchange of creative ideas.

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The birth of their second son, Christopher, does not go as smoothly as Donny’s.

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Chahana is rushed to the hospital with complications during her 8th month, having to call an ambulance because John is away with his soccer team.

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Christopher is delivered safely, and Chahana is informed that her second son has special needs¾all before she can even reach John by phone. The doctor and nurses try to comfort Chahana as she sobs for what seems like hours.

Chapter 07

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After Christopher’s birth, John takes on an assistant coaching position for the high school soccer team¾again under the auspices of needing extra income to support their growing family.

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A few of his colleagues ask how he has the time to juggle so many teams¾one even goes so far as to ask if he should scale back, instead.

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John snaps:

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“Do you know how much a special needs child costs? More than what I make on this *&#%^ teacher’s salary, that’s for sure!”

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He also begins to doubt his effectiveness as a father:

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“If I can’t capture Donny’s attention, how will I be good with Christopher, who is so much more complicated?”

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Left home alone with two children, Chahana struggles to regain her health after Christopher’s birth.

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John’s third coaching position keeps him away from home every night of the week.

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All of the housework and care for both boys falls on Chahana, and she starts to fall apart.

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She stops attending playgroups and rarely finds time to sleep or shower.

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During Christopher’s first year, Chahana is hospitalized several times for problems stemming from exhaustion.

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A doctor warns John that things will only get worse for Chahana if something does not change.

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This warning seems to be the wake-up call John needs. He finally “gets it,” and…

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…offers some help in the form of his cousin, Sydney.

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Out of work and needing a place to stay, Sydney becomes a nanny for the boys in return for free room and board. It is an ideal arrangement.Chahana gets much-needed rest and an adult to talk to during the day. To John, it all seems so perfect.

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But, Chahana still complains that John is not there for his family. with soccer practice for his three teams occurring every night of the week, and games and tournaments consuming every weekend, John just is not around.

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Soon, Chahana cannot help but notice how good Sydney is with the children¾he is a musician and entertains them with love and care.

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Sydney cannot help but admire Chahana’s dedication to her family. he likes the way she treats Christopher with such dignity and that she never lets a person say a bad word about her husband.

Chapter 08